Sunday, October 12, 2014

Weekend warrior

I spent the last four years suffering with a loss of adventure, a loss of my life. I need a companion who wants to spend his free time with me. I want weekends exploring outside the home and enjoying life. My ex was a workaholic. Working all week and coming home and working all weekend. I felt jailed in the house and alone. If he wasn't working on his hobbies we were at his friends or moms house helping with their hobbies or at the very least talking about them. My hobbies are contained to the weekdays when the day is nearly done and there isn't much other option. I need my partner to spend time with me. My friends are always doing things on the weekends with their boyfriends and I was just waiting for mine and now I am just out by myself. It's much more fun to take a road trip with a friend, visit a museum, travel to a local city... I can't have a happy relationship if I am expected to live my life alone while they are focused on themselves. I can remember every time we left the city for a weekend together: one of his friends weddings or to visit one of his friends homes or events. Once to visit my friends for a bbq (this was a shock), twice to my parents -- but only because he had to go near there anyway and it was a free place to sleep, he insisted we got there late and had to leave early. I can't count the number of times we spent the day at his moms house, that was at least 1 day a month. That is not a fun or happy life for me, that is just a life agreeing to someone elses plans. Over time I realized I had no say in what we were going to do and when my activity ideas were consistently rejected or overruled I stopped having ideas. If I wanted to do anything I had to do it on my own. So, not much has changed between then and now. People say they are "better off alone" for a reason. There is no one to disappoint me, except maybe myself.

Attached is a photo of a book page that resonated with me this morning.