and its a monday.

living life is tiring. but oh so good.

my computer went on a little hiatus from letting me log in. and then my internet went on a little hiatus from working. but i'm back now.

so... since we last talked i had a rough two weeks of midterms. i'm excited those were the last (undergrad) midterms i'll ever take!! of course i have the second exam and finals to go. but those aren't really "midterms." more like "almost-end-of-terms" and "pre-finals."

and now i have to think about my design project. yes. really think. i hope i can remember everything we did and how i should do it better and get it done. i have to outline a gantt chart tomorrow morning and make sure i can actually get into the rooms i need to get into. all i did today was pick up samples i had cut last semester and take an inventory of all the samples we had in the drawers. i supposed i should read brandon's paper too. that might help outline what i need to do. and since no exams till early november... this is the time to work.

oh... talking to myself. probably the only reason i felt the need to blog was that ben isn't online. so there's no one to tell random things to. oh well thats an untruth. there is always someone. but no one i wish to bother at the moment.

i'm finally going home... the first time home since the end of last year!! on thursday night. then i have to get my teeth did, my eyes did, maybe my hair did on friday. haha. in nyc. what a hassle. and i'm going to drag my parents and (maybe) little sis too so its gonna be a rarr-rarr-time i'm sure. but then i'm spending saturday-monday with ben in the city ;p .... and i'm 23 on monday :o ... i'm so old. haha. at least i don't look old yet hehe. and my arms are less flabby. that's always a plus. haha. maybe if i can make myself stay with this gym thing i'll be one of those middle age women who look 15yrs younger than they are. that's hot. haha.

anyways i'm very thirsty and out of ideas for the moment.

so, adios.

- kara

something old, something new...

...nothing blue.

so i made a new layout. i have some stuff to say if i had an audience i guess. but i have a meeting at 9:15pm... aka soon. so i will say the layout is new but i haven't blogged all my new flickr photos so the ones over there are still from last march.

can't be on top of everything. haha.

i've had better ideas. but i am too busy for them. well i should be too busy.

~ kara

the flightly blogger

it has been a long time. and most of my posts nowadays start with that recollection.

an update on my life: not much.

it is finals week at UConn. I have two papers to write, a take home exam I have to do whenever my teacher emails it to me, and an actual in class exam at 8am on wednesday. which i might add is an ungoddly hour to be contemplating electrodynamics.

i have a phone interview at a summer camp that is in virginia on tuesday morning. i should like to get that job as it would be fun. i have an in person interview with a company in andover, mass. on the 8th. if i get that job i'm going to be scrambling to find housing by the 15th or sleeping on a friends couch or floor or a hallway somewhere or maybe even a ymca. haha. but i'm up for the adventure.

i hope something exciting happens this summer. anything really. i'll take my small excitements where they come. like today the bugs in my pancake mix were exciting. not really. sad. i wanted pancakes.

anyway. back to writing a paper on migration policy. then one on chemical vapor deposition. the latter one is going to be much easier. i'm just not interested in migration policy. so... maybe i picked the right major? hehe.

- kara

thus is the life of a dieter.

the scale actually says i lost 4 lbs. i'm in shock and amazement. but i don't believe my scale - even though i payed $20 for it when i could have gotten a $6 one, because i thought it would work better. its got these nutzo directions that say if you move it you need to step on it once and disregard that reading. then step on it again to get the real reading. so i step on it and get a high weight. step on it again and get a lower weight. step on it again and get an even lower weight. step on it a few more times and consistently get the last weight. so i'm assuming it says i've lost 4 lbs from two weeks ago. but it could have just been lying the last time. and i could still be the same weight i was before. or i could just go into space and be totally confused.

thus is the life of a dieter. so the specialk challenge said i would lose 6lbs in 2 weeks. but i didnt feel like eating their cereal 2 times a day. thats too much milk. (but saves a lot of time making foods). i guess its not all lies then. but maybe i've been poisoned now. and i'm addicted to flakey cereals. who knows.

oh and someone find me a job. i've no time to look.

~ kara

it feels like someone's looking at you

its been a while. there's a million things i should be doing. but this is school and doing things requires a clear head. an ability to think. i got sucked into watching some television shows. the only medical dramas i've ever been able to watch are the new ones... greys anatomy and house. but sunday night is such a convenient time to be doing nothing and watching tv so greys anatomy seems to be the only show i watch regularly. its just sad though. everything makes me tear up. they are getting good at that. making me feel something. or i'm getting more susceptible.

i'm supposed to be writing a paper on immigration. although i should have written it during spring break when i did nothing but putz around the house. but i'm not into it. i don't have any opinion. its kind of like i don't have an opinion because i'm not out making any difference in it. we're discussing racism in the community assistant course i'm taking (its actually called peer counseling, if that makes anything any clearer) and i just feel like anything i say will be useless or "wrong." we sat in our discussion class last week and we were all like "i dont know." we don't want to say anything about a theory on the development of a nonracist white identity. it doesn't make any sense. its written by an african american woman and about becoming completely racist and then turning around and blaming the people around you and then trying to change it and trying to learn from other racial identities. this whole discussion in class with identifying with a white identity i don't agree with. the article goes on about how an american white person when asked their race will say their ethnicity (english, irish, whatnot) when they should say white? why should they say white? i dont think an african american should say black. because then a haitian would have to say black too, right? because its a color. not an ethnicity. i might as well call myself pink. it has nothing to do with heritage. nothing to be proud of. its just a simple observable fact that anyone with the gift of sight can see. i dont want to have a white identity. i want to have a me identity. beyond all that bullcrap. if i don't know who i am why should i just give up and say i'm white. then they are trying to say all white people are racist because we are in the majority and its "not our fault individually" its institutional and social and we need to change the bigger picture. you know what. society and institution is just a bunch of individuals. maybe then it is the majority of the individuals. why don't they just say that. the majority of the most popular skin color still hasn't grown up. so society still sits there in the past. we're slow. things don't change in a day. it takes generations to change. it takes generations to forgive. it takes forever to know what's right.

anyway pretty soon us pale skinned kids won't be in the majority. then all those theories can just go to hell.

on a lighter note. i'm taking a nap.

~ kara

you never know what you'll miss

so here's to the last day of my hiatus at home. it was also the first day i picked up any work i should have been doing. i read some of the book for my migration course... i dont think the teacher has any plan for us reading it besides for our own entertainment. but that entire course seems to be for our own entertainment. although i have to write a paper sometime soon. but thats school.

there's nothing new in my life so i always get stuck thinking of old things.

today i went for a walk in harrybrook park with my parents. my dad was trying to see if he could walk faster now that he is on heart medication. he thinks its better. thats good i guess. the crazy things they can do with pills now. it never ceases to amaze. playing around with the functions of the human body still scare me though. i guess i get that from my mother. she won't take anything for her high cholesterol. even though there are plenty of things available for it. and i don't like medication but i'll try anything they'll throw at me to fix my lousy skin. (but i will not see that goddamn doctor. he's just mean.) which has been alright lately. just very dry. and any sort of moisturizer is disaster.

everyone was friendly at the park people said hi. a random guy waved at us when we turned around in a development before we went to the park. we were going to look at another used car. my dads favorite pasttime. then some crazy woman in a honda from the 70s or so flipped us off when she was driving behind us on candlewood lake rd. what a crazy bitch. haha. i say she's jealous she's not driving a saab from the 90s. she's just three decades behind and bitter. harhar.

some cute guys were coming into the park as we were leaving. i looked at them and i got the look back but you know i have no way of telling age. i couldn't tell if they were high school kids or like college freshman or sophs. if i can't tell i should stay away. haha. then again i've met some people my age who didn't look it. i should just ask to see some id. hmmm....

as there's no one to instant message i think its time for bed. back to uconn campus tomorrow. yay...

~ kara

i'm addicted to you and these antihistamines

it would be easier to write a blog if i could see the screen. my glasses are again lost somewhere in this house. its a lot easier to find things when you live in a room which amounts to the size of a large cubicle. apparently our house has the largest square footage on the block, although you would not know this from the curbside. the wonders of information available to the public on the internet. my mom found that today while trying to do taxes.

its feels like a long day but i've only been awake for 9 hours. and in that time i have succeeded in eating twice and watching one episode of 'entourage' and the movie 'the constant gardener.' i did not follow the movie very well. i didn't know who was trying to kill who or how the companies were really working together. sometimes i feel like movies don't even try to make the plots understandable. like the director knows the plot too well so they forget that they are trying to get the audience involved enough to know whats going on.

its spring break but i haven't made any plans to do anything exciting, or anything at all. except some school work, so i won't have so much to do when i go back. i think i will sleep now and slam out a report for my 'migration' course tomorrow. unless my parents can think of something more fun to do.

now that my father is retired its odd to have him home all the time, along with my mother. he made a pumpkin pie today. didn't want to say it flat out, but it wasn't very good. i'm not sure why. it just didn't get firm. and texture of pumpkin pie is very important ;p i'm a pie expert now. pretty much.

goodnight world.

<3 kara

you are the only one that needs to know

6am. listening to all-american rejects. i dont know why i didn't go to sleep. but i'm watching the sunrise through the half open blinds in my bedroom at home. vacations at home are always distractions from the realities of life. i want to go somewhere. but the only places i could go involve people i'd love to see again but probably shouldn't. appropriate song, actually.

stay home and go on a mental vacation.

is there any difference? learn to be indifferent.

/kara

a new hello

Hello. I'm Kara... in case you aren't familiar.

i'm reinventing my internet presence. maybe i will be a little less divulging of everything from every crevice of my life. but i hope to not lose any personality in my struggle to be... well slightly more private.

as i love to take random photos i have added a fotolog to my blog.

also of note, this is the first post. this doesn't mean i'm new here. i've just hidden the last three years away. likely to resurface when google no longer knows who i am. but we don't need to be wiping dust off old remains.

*raises glass* here's to the documentation of randomness. new loves and new life for 2006.

<3 kara