i noticed today that i had picked up some breakfast bars made by this coffee shop i went to once in pittsburg. reminded me of that time. hit a little somewhere inside.
i've been melancholy all day.
but the weather was great. and i bought new gym shoes. and a new comforter. and threw out two pairs of shoes (i can't remember the last time i did that). and the old comforter is sitting atop my closet shelf 6' up. pending garbage or what i do not know. always seems a shame to dispose of things which are still useful. but i would have to clean it to give it away. and in a few minutes i will collect my 3 loads of laundry. sadly i have at least 3 more to do. laundry never ends. just like the repetitiveness of hunger and fatigue and day to day to day.
wish i had more to say to keep conversations going forever. so there wouldn't be that lull at the end of a good sequence of hours. the face falls slack. the sad thoughts and fears are allowed to come back. then its time to go back to your box that contains all your possessions. that is your life. this is what i am. see it. its clean. its tidy. its warmly colored. but its empty. its still empty.
2 comments:
which coffee shop?
-Ben
Life is indeed maintenance, Kara...cleaning, repairing, feeding, rebuilding. Sometimes when I think about the machine we are...small, and within the greater machinery that is the world, it's daunting and terrifying. But you find friends, and maybe a beloved pet..a job you enjoy, and books and movies and music you love, and these things help greatly to hide the nuts and bolts that encompass us. I think the way to survive, or to be happier, at least, is to try and not worry too much about the nuts and bolts of existence...as long as we have food on our table, and money to pay bills...and friends and family who love us, this is really a pretty good world to live in. It can be beautiful. Thank you for the posts! And as I always will do, I profer compliments...you are beautiful and interesting, and I love your writing. Be well, Kara, sincerely, Chris R.
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